Tweens Into Teens: The Impact of Physical Changes from 8-15 Years Old
The inflection years herald changing behaviors, new social dynamics, and perhaps most notably, a lot of physical growth. As adults, we can take these changes for granted, often comparing them to our own experience — but every child's inflection years are unique to them. Being prepared for all the challenges they might face makes it easier to face them together.
The most notorious of physical transitions in childhood is during the inflection years of 8-15: puberty. Culturally, we often associate puberty with those late middle school and high school years, but it’s important for caregivers and pediatricians alike to remember they can start as early as second grade for some children. How do you spot the easiest giveaway so you can support a child through it? It’s physical.
What’s happening for children in these years
Last week, we dove into the details of what’s happening mentally and emotionally for children during these inflection years. This week, we’re getting into what's happening physically. We’re all familiar with these changes because we’ve experienced them: just to list a few, both boys and girls get bigger physically, they start experiencing acne and sexual attraction, girls start experiencing their first periods, and boys will begin the production of sperm and eventually ejaculation. For them, it’s all on the scale of horrifying to awesome, depending on the day.
These changes also can be incredibly isolating. There are varied experiences happening across peer groups, and while some girls may be shopping for their first training bra, others will be wondering why their friend doesn’t want to play My Little Pony anymore.
For caregivers, they can equate these years to a transition they went through earlier: ages 3-5. During ages 3-5, there is a wide variability in development both mentally and physically. It all starts to even out later, but during these years, playdates with children of the exact same age can feel like paddling across a wide gulf. And while you have the experience to know your kid will catch up in due time, your kid may feel differently.
Growing up, physically
All was fair in playgrounds and play dates, but the inflection years bring about the awareness of the differences in sexes, alongside an awareness of their own sex and gender alignment. Boys begin maturing faster physically, and girls begin to mature faster mentally. Former best male and female friends may all of a sudden not really know what to do with each other as one grows in height and the other grows in maturity.
Even within same sex friend groups, variability can cause divides. When a boy is the last to begin growing physically in his peer group, even the best of friends can tease with names like “fun-sized” or “pint-sized.” Soon the emotional and cognitive changes they’re dealing with already can be weighted down by an extra dose of insecurity.
Developing sooner doesn’t protect kids from teasing either. Getting a period and developing breasts in elementary school can lead to ostracization and teasing as well. While these physical changes are happening, children are also trying to understand their identities and if these changes align with how they feel.
All of these changes can cause a lot of dissonance in relationships not just between friends, but between siblings as well. A 10-year-old and a 7-year-old can be best chums, but when the 10-year-old crests into middle school and into puberty, their former best friend may be left in the dust for texting, video games, and dances, regardless of sex.
What to do as a caregiver
The most important thing to remember is that your kid is experiencing a lot of things they’ve never felt before, never managed, and aren’t sure what to do with. They are in a vortex of hormones. Because you have been in that vortex before, it’s tempting to weigh your own experience against theirs, saying, “Well, when I was a kid, it wasn't like that.” Or, “that didn't happen to me, so it shouldn't happen to you.”
Not only is your kid a different person than you, but culture is different. How they interact with their peers is different. What information and knowledge they have access to is different. And if you didn’t feel supported through those years, that can also be different.
You can’t change who develops when and how, but you can be there for your kid no matter what their development path is like. By telling kids to not worry or to tough it out, you’re also telling them that turning to you isn’t worth their time. Attempting to escape anxiety only raises it, so now is the time to teach kids how to sit in that emotion, to learn that it’s not as scary as it initially feels — and when it is, you’re there for them.
Additional helpful reads
Check out these helpful blog posts for more insights from Dr. Monika Roots.
The Ground Up Model: Why We Need Specialized Mental Health Support for Young Patients
Too often adult care models are mapped onto children for mental health, but that strategy ignores the unique needs of children and strains the system at the same time. The industry needs to start shifting collectively to a ground-up method. Let’s get into what that is, how it can happen, and why it’s necessary.
Tweens Into Teens, Part 4: How to Talk to Kids About Sex and Sexuality
Talking to kids about sex and sexuality can feel daunting, but it’s a crucial part of guiding them toward informed, healthy relationships. From learning how to set boundaries to tackling tough topics like pornography, the most important thing we can do is create judgment-free conversations — turning an awkward talk into a lasting dialogue.