Introducing the “Inflection Years,” a new series for fellow parents of tweens

Defiance or Development? 

When I was growing up, the term "tween" didn’t exist. Now it’s a common label for ages 10 to 12, but back then the tween years were an uncharted wilderness—ignored by adults, overlooked by popular culture, and barely acknowledged by young people themselves. As a Brazilian American, I straddled two cultures during my tween years and never quite fit into either. To cope, I immersed myself in music and tried to ‘fix’ my mother’s bipolar episodes. A sense of safety or the presence of an adult who cared about the changes I was going through was conspicuously absent.

Now, as a child psychiatrist and mother of two preteen boys, I advocate for kids who feel socially invisible, both at home and in school—especially during the tween years. In my clinical practice, I prefer the term “inflection years,” to “tweens” because it better captures the experiences of a broader range of children aged 8 to 15. We’re all familiar with the concept of an inflection point, a moment on a curve that signifies a significant change in direction. Similarly, during pre-adolescence, our kids transition away from their childhood cognitive, physical, and emotional landscapes, setting out toward new, uncharted horizons.

Do you have kids in this age group? One of the key signs that you're entering the inflection years is when your children begin to seek validation from their peers rather than their parents—an increasingly social media-driven phenomenon today. This shift in focus doesn't make parenting any less of a full-time job. That’s why I’m launching a series called “The Inflection Years” to support fellow parents and caregivers as they navigate this transition. We’ll explore topics like risk-taking behavior, brain development, communication strategies, and other frequently asked questions from my practice. Remember, pre-teens are not "deficit" adults; they’re kids learning to forge their own paths.

Some of the questions we’ll tackle in this series:

• “How do you communicate with a kid when it feels like they are pulling away from you?”
• “What is the difference between a pre-teen and a teenager? “And how do you know your preteen is now a teen?”
• “What is going on in the body and the brain during puberty, which the medical community recognizes is happening younger and younger?”

Along the way, I’ll also bring in experts in the field for interviews and candid conversations inclusive of nutrition, pediatrics, social media and technology, social work, and education. I’m also looking to talk to fellow parents of pre-teens. If you are an expert in one of those fields, please don’t hesitate to reach out. 

I won’t judge you or dictate how to parent. Instead, I aim to provide a foundation in neuroscience and psychology to enhance your understanding of this phase in your child’s life. My advice will be practical and free of judgment. Always keep in mind that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution; or definitive playbook when it comes to parenting. This series isn’t concerned with simply “getting through” these years—a common sentiment when it comes to pre-teens and teens—but with discovering new ways to connect with your children as they push boundaries and seek independence. From one parent to another, let’s go.

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